Acting Out
I have been the loudest person on the psych unit, wailing my heart out at times of tremendous pain that had been so built up over my life; breaking shit and cutting in front of people so impulsively; getting restrained; and arguing with people, instigating and once pouring a bottle of Ensure over a girl's head . Basically taking up the most time and attention. Did I know I was doing that? Hell no. I had no awareness of what I was doing or thought at all of the existence of other patients. I was going through something major, life-altering that until then had never been talked about. I was in a place in my life where I believed in the depths of my heart that I can't trust anyone because everybody leaves. In addition to that, I my Self was not a solid being. I existed only in the eyes and the physical being with another. This created a dilemma. Trusting people who can't be trusted in order for me to exist. I would spend every day making people promise they weren't leavin...