emotional starvation

Need is like a bottomless pit. Like hunger that is un-ending. I receive and feel something good for a moment, but then it highlights a lack of something essential. I start to feel starving. What I received doesn't feel like Enough. There is so much I didn't get and I can't catch up to it all. Then I am filled with fear and wanting. I need so much that no one could possibly give it without becoming drainers themselves because I need EVERYTHING. Going back to the beginning. I start to feel like it goes so deep that it's an emergency. I need something NOW to fill the void that opens up wider every time I am given something good. I can't get enough. No one can be near enough. There is a reaching and then fear. Fear of the hole in me and how it devours my core. It encompasses everything. Then I want to detach. Why eat at all if you're just going to become hungry again later? Override the hunger with starvation so that the hunger goes away. Live in the lack so that it's home.

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